Shoot

I have listened to music all my life. In fact 'Music was my first love' has always been an appropriate theme for me. I had this particular piece of music I used to listen to, that I used to fantasise jumping out of a plane and doing a parachute drop to. So one day, while on leave, I booked myself on a civilian course in a well known seaside town. The training consisted of jumping off a table and rolling on the floor. There are 2 things I remember distinctly. On the blackboard was a note to check parachute 11, and the other was being told by the instructor not to put our hands on the pilots seat whilst getting in aircraft. Come the time of the jump, I was to be first out of the plane, so last in. As I looked down at my parachute I noticed it bore the number 11!! being distracted by this I then proceeded to lever myself into the plane using the pilots seat... which was not fastened securely to the base of the plane, and promptly tipped the pilot back and almost on the floor. After a few adjustments we took off. I also forgot the piece of music that inspired me to be jumping out of a plane at 2000ft! I heard a chattering noise which I took to be the engine of the plane, but realised it was in fact my teeth. All of a sudden the green light came on and I was told to go. I went. A few seconds later there was a mighty kick to my gonads as the chute opened. Approximately 60 seconds later I was approaching the ground at 100 miles an hour (ok it felt like that). After I hit, remember looking down at my foot and realising it was pointing the wrong way. All this to an approaching siren from the ambulance. It took me about 6 months to learn to walk again, and also get back into running. So the motto is, if a piece of music inspires you to do something, then chuck it away quick!!!!

Jeans

I would love to be able to trace my family tree, but what little time I have spent trying has proved fruitless. I do know that my Dad is the only musician in a few generations (he is a drummer...ok musician and Drummer may be a contradiction to some lol) But I have recently started asking questions about the past. I do know that my Dad and his Dad were undertakers! so the family have gone full circle there. I also know that one of my Dad's brothers was one of the first soldiers to liberate Belsen. Again a coincidence that one of my first postings was at Bergen/Belsen and I visited the camp, an experience I will never forget. I share my fathers hairstyle which is of course bald, but then again while at school I was voted the schoolboy most likely to recede? One day, if I get time! I will sit down and start searching my history, as I am sure some of it lies in Ireland!

78s

Yesterday seemed to be popular for folk ringing to enquire about the Band for bookings in 2008. I always seem to be in the bathroom when the phone rings, which has always puzzled me. We have also taken a re booking for a return trip to Barnsley next year which we are all looking forward to. I am often asked if we have made a CD. Well many years ago we did make a tape (remember them?) and also a live recording at Ashby that was put onto a CD. However anyone wanting to hear the Band 'live' has a multitude of locations they can see us. Just have a look at our website obb.org.uk and look at events for 2008, we will be happy to see you and discuss your requirements.

Branching out.

Seeing I have only my cockatiel left now I thought I would buy a new perch for him. Went to a garden centre where they also sold pet stuff. They had adapted a tree branch and put a metal fastener on the end that would fasten it to the cage so it was ideal for my purpose. I picked one up and started to look at other things in the centre. I am usually quick off the mark with complete strangers if they speak to me, and a chap came up to me and asked me if I was water divining? I said no but I did need the toilet, so it could be that.. Then a lady came up and asked me why I was carrying a piece of tree in my hand? I quickly said it was my 'comforter'. These ribald interchanges went on for most of the time I was in the shop. It was only when I got home that I realised that people actually might have thought that I was a nutter walking round a garden centre with a large twig in my hand? and did not realise it was a cage accessory? doh!

Eye Eye

A cosy intimate concert at the Oak last night. Very nice to see Eric the Alto back after his cataract operation. The doctor has told him that he has to blow quieter whilst his eyes mend, we also added to his prescription that he has to play all the right notes and in tune lol. Eric is a stalwart of the Band and has been with us from almost the start, a character and real gentleman.

Gracious

The Band took part in a Concert last night to celebrate The Queen and Prince Philip's 60th Wedding Anniversary (they were not in the audience disappointingly!) First up was a Female vocalist who had travelled all the way from Hampshire, to tell the story of the Blitz through words and music. The Band then played a 75 minute concert with music including Glenn Miller,Count Basie and Frank Sinatra. It was a great evening and the Band got a standing ovation at the end (it was either that or they had all got cramp from sitting down to long.) The Band were awesome last night, doing what they do the best, entertaining. I would like to thank Roy the Trumpet who gave me a lift last night. I used my Sat Nav to get us there (which I have nicknamed Doris!) unfortunately for Roy, my partner turned up at the Concert unexpectedly so I had a lift back with her, forgetting that Roy did not know the way back. Apparently he will be home a week on Tuesday.

Rip Van Winkle

Those that know me, know that I am not the worlds best sleeper. It started in the Forces, and I once went 5 nights without sleep, which believe me was not pleasant. However things are better now, and I do look forward to my Weekend 'lie in', so imagine my surprise when I received a phone call from a female that roused me from slumber (early) and she said in a sultry voice...Is that Glenn...(yes I mumbled) I would like to plug my i pod into your system. Well I thought, I have had worse offers than this, so I said yes, and what time could she be round... Turned out she is the support act to our Band in a Concert we are doing. I almost got excited. Seeing I was now wide awake, I trundled off to support my partner at a Xmas Fayre. Here I met a lovely lady who's birthday it was. She was 88 years old, but very sprightly. She said she had heard all about me and that I was a musician....bless her. She then ruined the moment, and asked me how long I had been playing the BUGLE!!!! So I then mentioned I was also an Undertaker, and we were stock taking, so to keep moving......cruel but fair I thought???

Noah

I have to say as a bloke I have never been wolf whistled at, and really that is a great relief. That was until last night, when I was in the shower. This came as a great surprise as I was in the house on my own? However, since my budgie is now flying around in the great aviary in the sky, my cockatiel has never left my side, and never been upstairs, that is until last night? I looked up to see my large feathered friend sat on the shower rail looking down at me and wolf whistling, a little disconcerting, but did my confidence the world of good. Which brings me on to my worse two animal jokes. 2 birds sat on a perch, one said can you smell fish...think about it....and worse still...2 Goldfish in a Tank, and one said to the other,,, can you drive this thing.......sorry!

Some like it hot!!!

Today's blog will be very short as all I have done today is get cold wet and up to my neck in things you really do not want to know about. It was good to hear from an old Army buddy today. Found an e mail from him when I got home. Another Trombone player who got married and stayed in Germany after leaving the Army, we will have a bit of catching up to do. Which reminds me. I learned to drive whilst in Germany, and although I did not have a car, my instructor arranged for me to loan one from a civilian, who was working and living on camp. The condition was that I collected the car keys myself. What he failed to tell me, was this guy also liked to dress as a woman in his 'off' time.. So when I knocked on the door I was greeted by this fellow wearing a red satin dress, high heels and make up, but sporting a full beard....... I went straight out and purchased my own second hand car after this incident!!

Radio Ga Ga

Driving home from work listening to a local Radio Programme, a chap came on to talk about a forthcoming Concert the OBB is doing. He mentioned that the Band would be playing music from the 1940's including the famous Moonlight Sonata!!...........Arghhh......I was shouting at the radio and almost crashed the car. I had to contact the programme so they could mention it was Moonlight Serenade, just in case hundreds of classical music fans turned up to listen. I played last night with half a tooth sticking into my gum, and was really glad for once, that the mic still did not work properly.

Fairy

Feels more like Friday 13th today as my Budgie that I have had since leaving the Army, has gone to the big aviary in the sky. Plus part of my wisdom tooth has fallen out. My poor Budgie was 12 years old, and had survived escaping from the house and flying into my pet Rat's cage. Being in the business I gave him a decent send off as is to be expected. In fact when I move house, if anyone digs up the garden they will find deceased Pet Rats,Mice,Gerbils,Hamsters and a Budgie. As for my wisdom tooth, that cost me £££ to fill, will no doubt have to be ripped from my head with a pair of pliers, that is of course when I can get an appointment. Oh Happy Day.

Winter Wonderland

I have to salute the audience who turned out on a very cold and snowy night to watch the Band. Seeing as I lose 85% of my body heat through the top of my head, I didn't do bad either crawling out of my warm and cosy hovel. All our trumpet players had a solo last night, and a splendid job they all made of them as well, drawing much applause from the crowd. I was thinking today.....!!!!! If Lawyers are Disbarred and Clergymen Defrocked, then Musicians would be Denoted! But that is ridiculous as Dry Cleaners would become Depressed Tree Surgeons Debarked and Cowboys Deranged.....I think I will stop there as the Nurse has just arrived with my medication.....

May the Farce be with you.

My partner plays clarinet and she has a John Williams play along CD of themes from Superman and Star Wars etc. All written in Treble Clef. Big Band music is written in Bass Clef for bones, and the only other time I have played treble clef is in the Army or Brass Bands. I had an excellent teacher called Tommy Holt, who is sadly no longer with us. I can't even remember how he taught me the other Clef, but it has certainly stayed with me as I have just spent an happy hour, out of the cold miserable rainy day, playing with a full orchestra on my CD player. I am having a break from the 'mic' tonight as it is always good to concentrate 100% on the music, and not be thinking what you are going to say next. You see us blokes can multi task, but we do need a rest occasionally!! Someone asked me the other day what ambitions I have. Well, it is to be the last man on earth, just to see if all them girls I knew in the past were telling the truth in what they said.

Oh Dear what can the matter be!

Friday Night gig's are always difficult especially if you have been out to work all day. With a set up time of 7.30 we were given just 15 minutes to set up as much kit as we could due to a change of plan by the organisers. Our performance time was set at 9.30pm so quite a long wait, and plenty of time to use the lav if required :-) As always though with Dinner Dances we were prepared for a much later start than was planned, due to speeches and slow eaters etc. At 10.15 we still had not got on the stage. Suddenly we were given the nod to go on. I mentioned to the Band that we would now do 1 straight set lasting for about 1hour 15 so if you need the lav, be quick. I did not expect 12 of the Band to all go at the same time!!!! I am now stood on the stage with one sax 2 trumpets and a couple of others. The organiser is frantically waving his arms for us to start the first Dance for his honoured guest. Finally we have all bums on seats, or so I thought. I suddenly realised the drummer was missing........ I said 'Oh dear the Drummer is missing' or something much shorter and similar. We had no choice but go for it, so I counted in and leaped for the Drum kit at the same time. Now I am no drummer, so hit almost everything in sight, and seeing the first Dance was a Waltz, I may have created a new sound... Turns out our poor drummer had locked himself out of the venue and could not get back in. Ah stress it is such a lovely thing.........Not!!!

Passing

I was very saddened to hear about the sudden death of another Big Band Musician today. This Gentleman was a a fine drummer and had helped the Band out on many an occasion. He also used to e mail me with jokes he had heard, and I have used many of them in the past. From all the Band ,our sincere condolences go out to all of his family.

What a Fiddle

Finding new jokes and material for the Band is getting harder these days. I have numerous joke books which I have purchased, and spent hours on the Internet trying to find new material. The poor suffering guys at work are the guinea pigs for my jokes and in turn they tell me theirs. However 99% of the jokes they tell me can't be used, unless of course we have a Big Band ladies night, and get Eric and Duncan, Derek and myself doing the Chippendale's act??? The thing is these days, if you tell a joke about another country then you are racist. If you tell a joke about a Male or Female, then you are sexist, and if you tell a joke about Nigel Kennedy, then your a violinist!!!!!

Zzzzzzzz

This is the busiest time for me at work and playing as well, and to quote a phrase from work 'We are up to our necks in it' My stress levels are rising like one of Mrs Beatons cakes in a hot oven! However, I rushed in from work last night, a quick tea, and down the big road to a gig. Actually my lip felt good last night, so probably being exhausted is the way to go? oh and by the way my microphone.......yep it didn't work. Roll on my 2 days off at Xmas.....

Great? Britain

I just can't believe what I heard on the news today. That you will have to have a license to listen to a radio in the work place? One poor lady was hounded to pay £100 and only 2 of them worked in the business. Surely this then means ,if you are in a company vehicle travelling with work colleagues ,and the radio is on, then you will have to have a licence to listen to the music? I wonder when all the decent people will wake up ,stand shoulder to shoulder and say 'enough'

Rothmans King Size

Sunday nights at the Oak are always a great night out, so if you have never been ,you really are missing out. Last night though was awesome. We played numbers from Splanky to Skin Deep with an outstanding solo from the son of our regular Drummer. We also played a War Time singalong in respect of it being Remembrance Sunday. I was even given some money to play a request for some people from Cheltenham, and then found out ,that actually it was my money I had dropped out of my back pocket!!!The audience were awesome and the Band were smoking (What do you mean it is banned in public places?) and everyone enjoyed themselves, and do you know what.IT IS ALL FOR FREE!!!! yes something for nothing in this day and age. But that's the OBB bringing live entertainment to Big Band lovers everywhere, and loving every minute of it.

Wind in the Willows

Big Dance for the Gurkha Welfare Trust last night. A few of the Regiment travelled all the way from Aldershot to show the audience some traditional Gurkha Dancing. I was informed by the organiser that they were ready, so I gave them a big build up on the microphone' " Ladies and Gentleman please welcome the Gurkha Regiment" This then became very much like the scene in 'The Sound of Music' at the music competition when the Von Trapp family had legged it! over the mountain to safety. Ladies and Gentleman 'The Gurkha Dancers............Nothing. No one to be seen. Apparently they were still setting up the CD player for their Dance. So I stood there like a lemon for a while, with my stress levels gradually rising to optimum levels. Finally the Dancers appeared and performed the Dance then went straight back to Camp. We then took over and played until Midnight. They also provided buffet for the Band including Curry with mushy peas. I have to tell you that the atmosphere on the stage after this was lethal to say the least, and I am sure I heard quite a few notes that were not produced by a musical instrument.

Couldn't make it up.

Had to work on a Saturday today, so not a happy blokie. Broke my own rule of going into town on a Saturday afternoon today it was manic, and grey and cold and miserable. The only thing I enjoy listening to is the buskers, but even they had stayed in bed. There is a great sax player out there, and a Romanian female singer and a bag pipe player. Free music for all and a wealth of talent. I did some busking once with a trumpet player and Bass in Guernsey. After 5 hours we had collected £7.50 and a button!!! and I think that had fallen of the Bass players jacket?

Lampost on the Corner

Suddenly it is starting to get very busy at work, and also the Band are playing most weekends now. I have found myself grabbing meals when I can this week. One of the best inventions I have is a small grill endorsed by a famous boxer. I can chuck anything in their and wait for my smoke alarm to go off indicating it is done. Soup is a little harder in the grill because it keeps running out of the slots. I have renamed my cooking device, The George Formby Grill because when I open the top to see what I have cooked I can say 'Turned out nice again'? I am getting much better at this cooking lark, and have only poisoned myself once this week, so eat your heart out Jamie Oliver.

Can't beat the vocalist

Having played in a few Bands in my lifetime, I have always been fascinated with an audience phenomena, (a subject discussed with many a musician over a tonic water or two )of which I think I now know the answer. In every Band there have always been soloists, be it from the Sax, Trombone, Piano or Trumpet etc, the solo usually bring forth generous applause from the audience. However, if a vocalist sings a song or a drummer has a solo, the applause is always longer and louder. And now I come to my life long theory. The majority of the audiences do not understand a Trumpet or Trombone or Sax. They probably think we blow push a valve or move a slide or press a key, and the music goes round and round la la la la(cue song) and comes out the end? However, they can identify with a singer or percussionist, as they have either sang in the car or bath to a song on the radio, themselves or, hit objects with a stick? to some sort of rhythm? I think I am going to publish my findings in a University Thesis and become incredibly rich, or, and most likely just keep moving my slide up and down as I have done for years lol, cos I can't sing, and as a kid, my Dad would not let me play his drum kit, so I am probably just jealous!!

Mike comes back, or not!

Played last night, and only one main solo. One of my favourites 'The Nearness of You' had a new microphone and a new lead. What could possibly go wrong? Half way through, that thought went through my head again " This is going well" and then.........the mic cut out. So as Frazer said in Dad's Army We are doooooomed. Actually it is quite amusing, and many years ago I would have got stressed with it, but in fact the job I do puts life into perspective, and where is ,I can lose it sometimes, some things are really not worth worrying about. As they say, If it don't kill you, it can only make you stronger!!!

Elephant

My mind has been drifting back to my time with the Army Band, and how creative and adaptable musicians can be. On one occasion we had to travel overnight by coach, from our base in Germany to Holland. Before any trip, I used to stand at the front of the bus, and go through a verbal kit check. Uniform,Music,Lyres,Instruments etc etc, and even though this was 2am in the morning, the reply would always come back 'Yes Sergeant Major, we have it all'
We then settled back for a 6 hour coach trip. On our arrival in Holland, at an unearthly time of the morning, we were just entering the town we were due to play in, when a young Bandsman came up to me and said ' Sergeant Major. I've forgotten me clarinet' There is a course for Band Sergeant Majors that teaches you a certain way of communicating with problem individuals like this. Basically he was told to jump in a taxi, find the nearest Army/Navy/Air force Base that had a Band, and get back here within 2 hours with a clarinet. Now this long sentence was interspersed with certain phrases that are unprintable here. However, within 2 hours the Bandsman was back, with a borrowed clarinet. he had also been given a meal and a cup of tea , and a lift back with a Danish soldier. Now that's blooming good thinking!

Midnight Express

It was nice, for a change, to sit back and just play last night. Our lead alto made a superb job of fronting the Band at the Oak, and it is good we can swap around occasionally, especially to give them a rest from my awful jokes. The Band 'sight read' some new numbers last night, including One 'o' Clock Jump and Night Train. I have to say our trumpet section played a blinder throughout the evening, and they are all coming into their own as individual soloists and work together so well as a balanced section. Night Train is an awesome number, and will go well as a Concert piece at some stage. Our keyboard player was thrown in the deep end with the new 1 o clock arrangement, but as always he rose to the occasion, drawing much applause from our enthusiastic audience. A Great Night.

Spot the difference.

Watched the X factor last night, mainly because it was Big Band night. It was great to spot a musician in the Band who I have had the privilege to stand next to, and who is now making a name for himself in the pro world, as he is a phenomenal player and deserves to be at the top. What really amused me though, was during a female vocalists number called 'All that jazz'. A member of the Band came out onto the stage to play quite raunchily with the female vocalist.(I mean play his instrument by the way) When one of the judges summed up the performance, he said that it was a shame the Trumpet Player had to be involved in the number..........I was shouting at the TV, as that Trumpet player was a Trombone player. Mind you if I had that judges money I probably wouldn't care which player it was either!!!!

One Man Band

One of the great motivators for practicing, is playing along to a CD that has a full orchestra, but with the solo line missing. With a good imagination, and a device called Silent Brass you can almost imagine you are sitting in the Band. It puts it into perspective though, when you listen to the experts play the piece, Trombonists like Mark Nightingale,Dale Cheal and Jack Whigam (who are all phenomenal players) just how much more you have to learn to be able to play like that. I reckon if I make it to 129 then I may be up to the Jimmy Edwards standard? or maybe Douglas off the old Lurpak ad's!!!

It Wheely happened!

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I love animals. My main wish is to have a dog, but with work and Band it would not be fair. I used to drag dog's home when I was a kid and tell my mum and dad that it was a stray, even though it had a collar and lead, and an old lady on the other end of the lead. In which case I have had to make do with small animals, fish, budgies,,Rat's,Gerbils,Mice,Baboons....??? When I was serving in Germany, my mate sold me a Male Hamster. Only it wasn't male, and I got back into my room in the Sergeants Mess to find out it had had 8 babies! The mother unfortunately was dead in the cage. My first problem was to find someone with a female hamster who had babies, and this I succeeded with after many calls around the Regiments families. The next job was to bury the Female Hamster in the Sergeants Mess Garden (I wonder if this was my first steps towards the job I do now?) This I did at 11pm in the middle of Winter in the pouring rain. When I finally got to bed, I started to read my Hamster book to try and find out what went wrong. I then read a paragraph that made my heart jump...It said that sometimes female hamster during Birth often go into a type of coma often mistaken for death........ At 2 am I was back out in the rain , in my Pyjamas with a flash light(note my pyjamas did not have a built in flashlight) in the Garden trying to find where I had buried the small rodent. It was then that the guys on guard duty saw me.......... I really don't think they accepted my explanation, and I was given some funny looks the next day. By the way I never did find the Hamster.

Dika Dum Dum

Been a very busy day at work today, and lots of running around in the works vehicle. Depending on who is driving, depends on what music you have to listen to, and this can range from Meatloaf to Beethoven, and Queen to Des O Connor (ok that's mine, and strangely I don't get to drive much?) I also took a call from the organiser of last Saturday's Gig. He was poorly so did not attend the Dance, but he said he had taken loads of calls saying how brilliant the Band were. He confirmed another gig in 2010, and also is trying to organise another in 2009. Word of mouth is always good about the OBB, and it is great to get feedback. Just log onto obb.org.uk and read some of the great comments about the Band.